Stay Tuned for Our Halloween Special.

If you have ever read this blog you know my feelings on religion and you know that I “did time” in the church. One of the things that I would do usually for the church happened around this time of year.

Before I was “saved” I was a witch.  I practiced Wicca. A fun religion built on Welsh, Irish, British and other European pagan traditions that involves a lot of accessories and the delusion of the supernatural. Because I was a witch turned christian, I was always asked to speak out against Halloween & because I was a good little christian soldier, I always did (I now feel shame for it to be honest).


I fucking loved Halloween and I still do!!

I loved the costumes, the pranks, the scary movies, and the whole idea of halloween! I know that Halloween comes from pagan roots, ALL OF OUR HOLIDAYS DO; however it isn’t satan’s night or the night where kids are sacrificed in some pagan rite. It’s a night where kids do more cardio than they do all year and get more candy than their parents know what to do with so they take it to the office the next day and all of their co-workers get to trick-or-treat throughout their cubicles (Adulting is awesome).

But, to keep with my old tradition of speaking out against things that occur on Halloween, I do want to go on a bit of a rant about some practices that do occur on this most awesome of nights.

Stop with this fucking Trunk or Treat bullshit! If you don’t know what this is, it is a stupid ploy to “make Halloween safe for kids” by having people come to church (sometimes a school, but usually a church) parking lots and open up their trunks and have kids just wander around the church parking lot and get candy. Of course there is also a catch at the church based ones:

 Churches are expanding on the original idea of trunk or treat by adding food, music, games, and rides. Their goal is to reach more of the community with an alternative to trick or treat. It not only has become a way to provide an alternative for children in the church but to the entire community. They have also found that it opens up opportunities to invite parents and children to other events or services going on at the church. To this end, some church groups hand out tracts or other information on the church at a Trunk-or-Treat.

Now I get it in the rural based communities where neighbors are 20 miles apart, but in my town there are suburban communities everywhere. We also have 30 churches that are in the 10 sq miles that make up our city limits (Welcome to Texas) and they all do the trunk-or-treat thing. The past 2-3 years that I have carved a jack-o-lantern, left the porch light on, signed my house up as a designated trick-or-treat house, I have gotten less than 5 trick-or-treaters in all 3 years combined. Its heartbreaking to see this tradition go away.

But, I would gladly let it die if it meant that a swift death would come to the other tradition that the church has on Halloween.

Every year almost every church puts on a spectacle called a “Hell House“.  They are like haunted houses you see pop-up around Halloween, but based on “sin” and “hell”.  They show melodramatic scenes of teen drug use, domestic violence, suicide, abortion, and homosexuality (amongst other evangelical christian issues). Now some of these things are serious topics, but the hyperbole comes in because the scenes are all caused by demonic influence. Yep, satan and his minion caused the depression that led that (always female actress) teen to suicide. Satan caused that girl (it’s usually always the same actress as the suicide teen) to go out to that party and get raped (notice there wasn’t any demonic influence over the guys that did the actual rape), and abortion is always caused by the devil; however at the end of the trip through this christian psychological shit-show, Jesus (or sometimes an angel if no one in the church looks like Jesus) pops in like a superhero and saves the day by leading the tour group out of hell and into heaven; however sometimes there’s a twist and not everyone gets in and you end up back in hell.

Here take a look, there was actually a documentary done about these a few years back:


In these attractions, you are basically subjected to psychological torture (Almost like Alex in “A Clockwork Orange”). You are made to see horrific images played out with sounds and lights (sometimes smells) to give a further discomforting augmentation to a distorted reality  and then given an out: Salvation through Jesus. At the end of these you are given a chance to pray with members of the church and be “saved” (and also join the church mailing list of course). Like the kid in the video, I would have given them the finger as well.

Truth of the matter is, I have only been through one Hell House (and that was enough). It was more horrific, and unsettling than any actual haunted house that I have been to. Mind you,  I have been to a haunted house as a kid/teen where the group was chased by a dude with a chainsaw. AN ACTUAL FUCKING CHAINSAW (sans the chain on the blade of course) and that was less horrifying and damaging than the 1 hell house that I visited in my 20s as a “saved christian”.  Honestly, I laughed at the chainsaw guy. I loved every minute of the normal haunted house. Because they are there for entertainment. Hell Houses are there to subject you to a psychological torment, distort your thinking, and then convert you you at the end. Basically, you are herded like cattle through this “morality play” and processed at the end.

And of course it’s all for your own good.

Richard Dawkins, noted atheist, has condemned Hell Houses, saying that using fear to convert children is child abuse, and that the children only leave with nightmares and soiled underpants.

My largest problem is that these are aimed at kids. They will usually let children as young as 12 into these psychological slaughterhouses and that is one of the most frightening things I find about them. That and the number of them. There is one, or more, in every town and usually the ticket prices are cheap. So, instead of going to an actual haunted house a few towns over or in the nearest metropolitan city, kids will usually end up at these. Plus, they are ran by a church.

Nothing could possibly be that scary to the kids at a church, right?


Nope. Go on and take the kids, be sure to hit the Trunk-Or-Treat afterwards.


Happy Halloween.



Salt In The Wound.

Fun tidbit.

After talking with my caseworker new caseworker about my case, it turns out that I could have been actually working a part-time job this whole time and earning some form of income. As long as:

  1. It wasn’t more than 20 hours per week.
  2. I didn’t make more than $1100 per month.

So, now I am livid that I could have been trying to bring in some form of income this entire time instead of having to scrape by like we have been.

Needless to say, I have started looking for some form of work that I feel that I can do that I also believe that I could generate income by doing.

So, I am polishing up my resume` and searching the internet for part-time work. I have some prospects and I have also started a side business that I hope will take off. I am hustling to get something going so that we can get our heads above water and not drown. If anything I will go jockey a register at a gas station, like Dante in “Clerks”.


Hell, I am over-qualified for all of the jobs that I have applied for, so why not be a clerk at a gas station.

At least then we wouldn’t be dodging collection calls and wondering how we are going to pay all of the bills each month.

Maybe, I could even get employee of the month?


Denied: The Sequel.

So, I received my 2nd denial letter from The Social Security Administration on Friday. Despite evidence of my mental health degrading, a personal letter from my therapist, and a 3rd party account of my condition, I am still considered “fit for work” and can be “retrained in another field” due to my young age. Now, my option is a hearing before a judge.

The issue with that is the hearing wouldn’t happen for about another year.

I have already been through hell this year with trying to get this done. We are now at an all time low. Something is going to have to change. If I continue with my disability claim it may ruin us. If I go back to work, it may just break me. So, either way I am screwed. Right now I am just stuck at a crossroads and I don’t know where to go.

If I believed in the devil, I would probably sell my soul right about now.

So, I have to make a decision. I have to either keep fighting a system that is supposed to help me or I have to bend and find something to do that won’t break me.

Thankfully I have a therapist appointment this Saturday.



If you are an avid reader of this blog (like me!) then you probably have learned at least two things:

  1. I have mental health issues.
  2. I am an atheist. 

You may have also picked up that I am also a geek due to the science and technology bits in my posts and also the references to 80s cartoons and movies. There’s also probably a few Star Wars and sci fi references sprinkled in these posts, too. 

Well, I recently downloaded and tried out Google’s new messaging app “Allo“.  Now what sets this app apart from WhatsApp, Telegram, Viber, Kik, Facebook Messenger, BlackBerry Messenger, and Yahoo Messenger is that:

  2. That’s it.

Out of the 3-4 messaging apps listed above that people actually use, Allo does have some features that do make it stand out; however it is lacking some features that the majority of the more popular messaging apps have had for some time, but it brings some things to the table that all of the other apps just don’t have. 


Smart Reply
Respond to messages without typing a single word. Smart Reply learns over time and suggests responses to text and photos, in your style.

There are some conversations that I have had without having to tying a word. Google Assistant learns your communication style and adapts your smart replies. If you also have a keyboard with predictive text; then you seriously almost never have to type anything out again. 

Get creative with the photos you send by doodling on them or adding text.

Almost all apps can do this, but the camera functionality in this app makes it easier to actually do (see below). 

Say it all with the perfect sticker. Stickers in Google Allo are designed by independent artists and studios from around the world.

Some of them are even animated! However, there are only like 4 packs that are any good right now (If stickers are your thing).

SHOUT or whisper
No more typing in ALL CAPS to get your point across. Say it louder or quieter by changing the size of your text with a quick swipe.

This sounds dumb, but is actually cool as hell. 

Meet your personal Google Assistant
Google Allo brings you the Google Assistant, preview edition. Find restaurants nearby, share videos to watch, and get answers, right in your conversation with friends. Add @google to your group conversation or chat one-on-one with your Assistant. It’s your own personal Google, always ready to help.

Probably the coolest feature. You can bring Google into the conversation. In an argument about who that guy was that was in that movie you all saw that one time? Now you can end that shit quick. Everyone trying to decide on a restaurant? Now you can all look at what’s available in the chat. It’s pretty damn cool. 

Incognito mode
Send messages with end-to-end encryption, use private notifications to help keep your chats more discreet, and control how long your messages stick around with expiring chats.

One of my gripes and the huge flaw of this app. Due to Google Assistant and it’s learning capabilities, it has to scan your messages in order to learn how you communicate (Insert conspiracy theories here). So, end to end encryption cannot be enabled by default. I do believe that Google Assistant should be an Opt In feature and E2E Encryption should be the default. 

The other mentions that I want to make about this app are that it does support .GIF files, can send pics, video, & voice messages. Plus, if you do turn on the camera it only takes up 1/2 the screen so you do not exit the chat. That was a HUGE thing for me. EVERY OTHER APP takes you out of the app and engages the entire screen when accessing the camera. Not this one. It also supports BitMoji ( like SnapChat) and has an awesome location sending feature based on Google Maps (of course). You can assign individuals their own notification tones; however you cannot change the background color/wallpaper in the chats or the bubble colors. And yes, of course, there are group chats. 

One key feature that some say that this app is missing is SMS integration. If you used Hangouts, you remember (or know if you are still using it) that you could message people that either had Hangouts or didn’t have Hangouts because it did both Messaging and SMS; however it was confusing as hell. Because half the time you didn’t know if you sent out a mass text, a group chat or a mix of both. I still use Hangouts on my tablet and desktop to make and receive calls and texts from my Google Voice number. Honestly, I don’t see the need for SMS integration. To me these are two separate things that I like on two separate apps. I guess I am old and set in my ways. 

The true uphill battle with this app (or any messaging app) is this: Your friends have to install it in order to actually use it. This is the flaw in the concept of messaging apps. If you have never tried getting your friends to install a completely free application onto their phone and take the 2-3 minutes to set it up; then let me tell you what you are in store for. Your friends will suddenly hate you for instigating change in their lives, they will turn into 4 year old children and begin to cry while throwing a tantrum, they will then question you about everything regarding  this application (and your 10+ years working in the IT industry with a focus on mobile devices/applications) as if you coded it yourself just last night. Then you will in turn start to question why you are trying to make communicating with this group of thankless assholes easier and more enjoyable. Then once they do install it, of course they think it’s fun and awesome*. 

(*Results may vary.Because there’s always that “one”.)

Right now, the majority of my friends are on Telegram. Mainly because it has a desktop client, awesome stickers, integrated Gify.com search, sticker bots that will allow you to make your own stickers, awesome pre-made sticker packs, and it’s encryption is top-notch; however there are two things that make me want to migrate from it. 

  1. There has been little to no development on this application since August and even that was a bug fix. The only major improvements are usually sticker or bot related. 
  2. This application is the #1 messaging app choice of terrorists! It has also drawn the attention of government entities all across the globe. Which means possible lawsuits, investigations, and lack of funding for development.

What’s awesome about this app is that it’s free , Open Source,and it’s funded by a couple of Russian brothers Pavel and Nikolai Durov that sound like awesome guys; however the app generates no income. Once it , or the Durov brothers, run out of funds; then it will require donations or a subscription. Also, this app was HUGE until WhatsApp introduced End to End encryption by default and Voice Calls. Since then the user base and the development has slowed considerably. 

Speaking of WhatsApp.

I do have a couple of friends overseas that use it. So, I also have it installed. WhatsApp is has no stickers ( if that’s your thing), it does do .GIFs, pics (no drawing/Ink though), video  and does voice messages. You can also make calls with it. It also has a desktop client (that is a complete pain in the ass to use). It used to be a pretty good app, until Facebook bought it. Now, WhatsApp shares your information with your Facebook account to show you better ads; however you can OptOut of this, if you know how. Even though the CEO of WhatsApp always said that WhatsApp would never be used to sell ads ( Even quotes Fight Club). Now you can also totally piss off your friends in WhatsApp by tagging them ( Like on FaceBook) in a conversation that they don’t even want to be in. So, you can see why we all migrated from this app. 

As far as the others go, I don’t use FB Messenger, because I am not on FaceBook. I don’t use Kik because it is a pointless, shitty app. I don’t use BlackBerry Messenger anymore because: 

  1. I don’t work for them anymore. 
  2. It’s not 2004. 

Yahoo Messenger hasn’t been used since 1996, and Viber sounds like a sex toy. 

So, Allo is starting strong IMO. I think that if people will give it a shot and Google keeps up with development that it will be a strong contender. Now I just have to get my lazy ass friends to install it and quit bitching about having to install a free fucking app on their damn phone. 

I may need to start drinking again. 

Wish me luck. 



PICTURED...Models Frankii Wilde (left), Fifi Galore, Rebecca Edwards, Bex Taylor and Natalie Robinson Brown (right) take part in the flash mob event on Elvet Bridge in Durham.


From time to time I go to the largest time wasting site on the Internet: Youtube.

I have a few Youtubers that I follow and some channels that I subscribe to. A lot of the time I will find a video that is attached or suggested by the algorithms that are conjured up by the wizards at Google and find myself deep into a rabbit hole that I had no intention of going down. While in this wonderful land of HD video eye candy, I come across a video that an intelligent person posted, and makes a comment that I disagree with; however I can also see their point (to an extent).  But, much like the community that this Youtuber is a member of, I also do not like being labeled and lumped into one broad category.

One of the topics this person discussed is the fact that followers from other channels will mob other Youtubers and sink their ratings. This person stated that these people call themselves “Attack Helicopters”. So, to be safe, I am not mentioning names or posting links.

The subject of this video is “Anti-Feminists”. During the video this person and their co-host state that most (if not all) anti-feminist videos that they see are Atheist channels and more or less allude that atheists are anti-feminist. They go on about because atheists claim to be intelligent and logical, we are all anti-feminist because they have seen multiple videos from other Youtubers that cross their “Social Justice Threshold”.

Hang on a minute.

I am an atheist and I am about to use some logic. If you have seen multiple Youtube videos from atheists that disagree with your social justice views, this does not make them anti-feminist; however let’s say that these atheist Youtubers were professing anti-feminist views. So the idea that some atheists are anti-feminist means all atheists are anti-feminist is not logical. At the same time, I know that there are a lot of atheists out there that are on Youtube that are complete assholes. They try to live strictly by logic and that is no way to function as a human. Here’s why:

A strictly logic based man is sitting and watching TV. His wife comes in the room and asks him to go to the store. She tells him to buy a loaf of bread and if they have eggs; then get a dozen. About 30 minutes later the man returns home with 12 loaves of bread.

His wife asks: Why did you buy so much bread!

He answers: Because they had eggs.

To function rationally we have to have critical thinking.

Critical Thinking
1. the objective analysis and evaluation of an issue in order to form a judgment.

Other than this one issue, the video that I am referring to was on point about a great deal of things. I believe that some people do not and will not address issues that are “too social justicey” and I believe that we do have a society that has cultivated a toxic Outrage Culture that gets offended over stupid shit and it goes both ways. The “Left” will get offended over something and SJWs will hop on it just like the “Right” will get offended over something and the “Fundamentalists” will go apeshit over it and then they will get mad at each other for getting mad at the thing that they are mad about. A lot of times I hear people talk about Free Speech but then get mad when they find out that it doesn’t only apply to them.

“You’ve got to be allowed to say things that [potentially] everyone might find offensive, I think offense is the collateral damage of freedom of speech. But just because you are offended doesn’t mean you’re right.”

Ricky Gervais

I can say that I was somewhat offended by the labeling of atheists as anti-feminists. Simply because I consider myself a feminist. I believe that a woman is equal to a man and that there is no such thing as “women’s work” or a “man’s job”. I know that there is wage gap and that women in the workplace are not equal. I worked in IT for years and the few women that we had in that field had to be smarter, faster, and 20x more adept at their job than I did, or they had to be on par with the male techs and be hot. IF they did one or both of those two things, they maybe made as much money or maybe even got a promotion. I believe that if you are as qualified, and perform as well as your male co-worker; then you need to earn dollar for dollar and promotions need to be based on merit and not your dick. I believe that a woman should have full say over what she wants done with her body. Whether I agree with abortion, whether you agree with abortion doesn’t matter. It’s not either of our bodies, so it shouldn’t be our decision. Whether you agree with the sex industry, again, it’s not our body. We don’t get a say in the matter. It’s that simple. I believe rape is a detestable thing. Some people say that we have a “Rape Culture” and I can’t argue with that. When I see college frat kids getting short sentences for rape, or grown men that rape children getting only a few years in prison. When we ask questions like “what was she wearing?” or “Did she lead you on?” this leads me to believe that we do view rape as a minor offence. When a kid with a computer violates a network, they get a minimum sentence of 35 years for computer hacking, but a kid with a boner violates an unwilling female and rapes her, they get 3-10 years and are usually out in half of that time, I think that something is fucked up with that.  I believe that LGBT+ rights are a major issue and that is another issue of inequality in our society. The feminist movement until recently (Thirdwave Feminism) really didn’t include LGBT+ rights or women of color in its agenda. As a husband to a beautiful black woman, I want equality for her. As an awesome uncle to 4 strong and beautiful girls,  I want equality for my nieces. I also want them to be/feel safe and have the right to make any choice that they feel is right for them. 

I am an atheist, and I am a feminist, and I have a “social justice threshold” where I find things to be too “social justicey”.  So, sorry Youtuber whose videos I actually enjoy, but I think that you are being over general in the statement that most atheist are anti-feminist. Especially, since your topic was Social Justice. While feminism is a Social Justice topic, Social Justice does not equal feminism. So, the definition of the label of “anti-feminist” is incorrect. Honestly, I just believe that a lot of atheists may just disagree with your social ideologies and this is prompting a reaction.

But, again, that may just be that atheist logic of mine kicking in.



The Golden Path to Finding My Enlightenment. 

I have returned to a concept that I had abandoned due to my whole “I need empathy” thing. Which I did; however I think that I may had gone a bit far with it. I will say that in my quest for empathy I did find a better understanding of emotions, which was a great enlightenment. 

But,  I lost somethings along the way. 

I lost my cynical view of the world. I lost my misanthropic outlook on people. At the time I thought this was a good thing and that I had become a better person. I thought that I had grown. What happened was is that I made myself vulnerable. I let my guard down and I took one to the jaw. 

But,  this is still growth. 

Now, I have to learn how to blend all of these things. To be emotionally aware, empathetic, and cynical/misanthropic all in a healthy balance. Its going to be challenging, but I feel like I will be a better person after its all said and done. 

Hopefully this time I won’t have to buy any books. 

pink and blue baby boots isolated on white

A Faulty Concept

Funny preface to this post: I sat down this morning to type this up and I had to stop because my AC was leaking water in a closet in my office geek lair and all over the floor. Called my HVAC Guy and he came over to check it out. The issue was that I apparently didn’t understand the effects of gravity on the movement of fluid in a hollow cylindrical tube. When I last changed the filter, I didn’t place the drain pipe back at a downward angle so that the condensation from the coils could drain. He just slanted the pipe back, smiled, and told me to have a good day.

Before all of that happened, I was watching a documentary called “The Mask You Live In“. It covers the concept of masculinity and how it can be damaging to young boys and the men that they become later in life. I kind of talked about this in a previous post and my experience with it.  It involves the concept of masculinity as far as how we teach our boys to suppress emotions. We tell boys “don’t you cry” or “men don’t cry” and it wasn’t until  I was in my mid 30s that I saw how this had damaged me as a person.

Now, let me start this off by saying that I know that I give Tumblr a lot of shit; however that is because Tumblr tends to take a concept like this and go to the farthest extreme with it. In this case, I actually owe some Tumblr users a thank you because without their rational and educational posts I would never have even thought that this was an issue and by “this” I mean the tradition that we raise our boys, if not our children in general. Another thanks to Tumblr (sort of) is that the thought of gender being a created concept had been planted; however no one on Tumblr actually ever really explained it in a way that I understood. A point that is made in this film is that, generally speaking, kids are biologically the same. You give them choices and they will make similar choices 90% of the time no matter what sex the child is, but that 10%, or 5% on each side of the spectrum, is where we get the concept of gender.

This concept is created by traditionalism, commercialism, and media. All of these create the social norm for gender. Tradition says that men are to be strong, fast, muscular, good at sports, sexualy active ( if not overly sexualy active) and they conquor/dominate. If you are not this; then you are not a man and you will never please your parents. Tradition says that a woman is to be pretty, fit, good at domestic duties, a nurturer,empathetic, not sexualy active (or at least don’t let anyone know that you are),but flirtacious and submissive. If you are not this; then you will not attract a good husband, and you will displease you parents. Commercialism supports this by advertising to these points from everything from kids toys to laptops. Media also helps with the creation of gender by the music, film and literature of the time. While traditions may be changing all over the globe, it’s still a change in progress.

Our traditions are moving away from the heteronormativity that mainly was focused by religion; however now we have new concepts that are still flawed. These concepts (again, I have talked about this in the past) like “Alpha” types and those are usually assigned to a gender (Alpha Male, Alpha Female) and even still when we look at the definitions ( of which there are many) you see these old traditions still deeply entrenched in them. You see words like “enterprising” , “Assertive”, “Superior”, “seeking all avenues of fulfillment, including the sexual”, dominant, physically fit, rarely get emotional and these were taken from sites that gave traits of both “Alpha” Males & Females. So, in our great step forward we have learned that masculinity is not a gender, but a trait; however it is a trait that we still are fucking up six ways to sunday. You also apparently cannot be “Alpha” and be feminine. Every trait that is generally described as feminine, is used to describe the “Beta” type. So, again, having empathy, emotions, being sensitive, nurturing, sexually submissive/inactive is all seen as weaker.  So really, we haven’t changed anything, we just allowed females to become masculine and men to become feminine and we still ridicule them for “switching teams” (no matter what that person’s orientation is) because it is still entrenched in our brains that boys do Y and girls do X.

My problem with this is that kids don’t need this shit. If little Billy is crying; then go find out why he is crying. Why is he sad? Let him talk about it. If little Jenny wants to take karate and play with robots, let her. So what if all of the other girls have dolls and are playing with a giant fake plastic oven that comes with fake pans and food? So what if Bill likes art and doesn’t want to play football?  Let Jenny have Optimus Prime and become a black belt! Let Billy talk it out and draw unicorns fighting dragons! Because if you don’t, later in life, your holidays will be awkward and your kids will be in therapy.

Trust me on that one.

Because I know if that I had heard a lot less of “if you don’t stop crying; then I will give you something to cry about!” and was allowed to express my feelings and emotions then I may not be in a few places that I am now. I know that if I had kids, I wouldn’t be pigeonholing them into these gender roles and stereotypes that come along with their sex. I would be letting them make their own choices, and guiding them as they went along. Last time I checked that’s what parents did.

Or so I have heard.


Start Talking.

I have come to a conclusion today: People do not like conversations.

Like actual conversations, ones that matter and have substance. Not the shitty, empty ones that are about how the latest [insert current popular trendy band/pop-star name here] album is a “religious experience” or how the new [insert name of latest trendy food and/or beverage] at [insert name of eating establishment or franchise here] is “SOOOOO GOOD”, but ones that actually make you think. Ones that challenge you. Ones that actually may make you a little mad; however you still want to hear what the opposing view is because you want to learn.

We had house guests over the other night and a conversation was started. The topic: politics and economics. In a nutshell: How the corporate world would handle it if the US Federal Government would raise the minimum wage to $15 per hour. The conversation never got to an argument, voices may have gotten a bit raised (because people get passionate about these things), but never to the point of yelling (One guy’s voice is just low and booming, not his fault) and the discussion was very intelligent; however it was broken up because others were too uncomfortable and they decided that we should play a game instead.

Unfortunately, this tends to happen a lot and isn’t just a one time occurrence.

Today I was watching The Green Party Town Hall that was on CNN last night and there was a comment made that we are afraid to have these type of conversations. I was also watching Chelsea  on Netflix and Zelda Williams was a guest. She also made this comment on how we, as a society, are afraid of having conversations that have differing opinions. How we are afraid of hearing other views that may challenge our own ideologies and actually learning from differing opinions. I am not saying you have to agree with the other person, and their views, but at least listen and maybe understand why they think that way. I have listened to people with theological views, differing political views, differing technological views and even though I don’t agree with them (Hell, some I think are batshit crazy or even fucking stupid), I still listen and give a differing opinion; however when the conversation turns into an argument, that’s when you break out the games, change the subject or tell the person that this topic is escalating and that you no longer want to talk about it.

In my opinion an argument is where the conversation goes from sharing ideas, to forcing ideas upon the other person (ie; here’s what I think  vs. I will make you think like me) and I think that’s what everyone fears. I think we have gotten to the point where we cannot differentiate between the two different forms of communication or we are so afraid of a conversation escalating that we try to stomp out an intelligent conversation because we think it’s an argument waiting to happen. This is something that needs to stop. We need to have these discussions. It’s how we learn and how we grow as a society and it’s how you grow as a person. Again, in my opinion, you can’t grow as a person by talking about the weather, or looking at funny cat videos with people all the damn time, just as you can’t live off of potato chips and twinkies. Eventually, you are going to need to get some real food in you.

I hope that we all overcome this fear soon, because people need to start talking.

Like in real life.

Preferably over coffee, but not Starsucks.

Real coffee. Real conversation.

Actually, at this point it doesn’t matter; just start having intelligent conversations.

Just start talking.


Treading Water.

Where did I leave off?

Oh yeah, my life is circling the drain, that’s right. How silly of me.

Yet, I continue to swim against the current.

I am still waiting on any word from my appeal from my disability and honestly I am on the verge of giving up ( which is what they want, but whatever) because we can no longer afford to wait for that ship to come in.

We have applied for foodstamps and we are hoping that we get approved so we can stop relying on the handouts from the foodbank because they obviously do not understand what a diabetic is so half of the food we get is complete crap like cakes and snack foods. I fought too damn hard to get my A1C down to a 5.0 and get off the diabetic meds and I don’t plan on going back on them.

The GoFundMe campaign that I set up is turning out to be an epic fail because in two weeks time it has gathered only 20 views and no donations. So, I am chalking that up as me putting my faith in humanity like an idiot and expecting something. Also, I still haven’t sold that goddamn table.

Yet, I continue to swim against the current.


Because my wife is doing better. We have (some) food in the house. We have friends that love us and I know that would help us if they could (and some do what they can). Plus, I know if I stop swimming against the current then I will drown. Its that simple.

I don’t want to drown.





I’m not sleeping very well.

My wife is still in a lot of pain and can’t get around well. Money is tight and everything that I try to do to get something going to generate funds just doesn’t seem to be working. Apparently nobody wants the fucking table that I am trying to sell, and what faith I had in humanity is dwindling by the day.

So, I guess maybe my anxiety is up and depression is getting the better of me.

I just need something to give. I need something to just go my fucking way. That’s all I really need at this point is a win. I just need one win to get the wind back in my sails so that I can keep on going.

Because right now I am in the doldrums.

If not sinking.