Before I start this off, a little back story…
I have never met my father. He and my mother divorced shortly after I was born. My father was in jail and my mother had him sign away his parental rights. He visited once and all I will say about that visit is that he was kicked out by my mother and I never saw him again. I was 4 at the time, now I am 41. He apparently stalked me from afar through my teens and 20s, never telling me who he was.
Now, for the actual post.
My wife was at the food bank yesterday (Friday) and upon signing in was told that she was the 2nd Starkey to sign in. The greeter introduced my wife to an older man that also had the last name of Starkey. He sat by her and asked who her mother-in-law was. She said my mother’s name and it turns out that she was talking to my father. They talked for awhile and he gave her his phone number. Now after over 4 decades of my existence on this planet, he wants to meet.
I am torn by what to do. I have lived my entire life not knowing or really caring about my father. So, why would I want to meet him now? Part of me is like “if it ain’t broke, don’t try and fix it”, but another part of me wonders “what this man is like?”. I am not looking to form a relationship with the guy. I would like to know of any serious health issues that reside on that part of my family. I would like to know his side of the story between him and my mom. At the same time, I really don’t want a relationship with him. I haven’t had him in my life , ever. So, why start now. I feel like an undiscovered tribe in the Amazon that has been discovered and is now having modern medicine and processed sugar introduced to it. Is it hurting or helping me to have my ecosystem changed by introducing this major change?
Besides, I think we are beyond the “let’s have a game of catch” years.
So, this is something that is going to take time to figure out. I honestly don’t know what to do at this point. Meet him, don’t meet him, punch him in the face, it’s almost too much to deal with. I mean what do say? “Where the fuck have you been” seems to be an appropriate way to start off the conversation. “Why now?” is a close second. What do I tell him about me? Do I be an open book, or play my cards close to my chest? I seriously don’t know what to do here. I am 41 and have never met my father and now the ball is in my court. I see myself holding this ball and just staring at it in confusion. Do I just drop it and walk away or do I run with it?
Seriously, what do I do?