The Great Texas Shrink Hunt: Aftermath

Today was my appointment with the new psychiatrist’s nurse practitioner. I had to reschedule the last appointment due to “a family emergency” (aka: I overslept and just didn’t want to go). So, I woke up and jumped directly into the shower, which is odd for me, and then got dressed. I wolfed down a bowl of cereal and a cup of coffee and I was out the door. With my favorite tshirt on (The Jawas have the Police Box) and Google Maps ready to go, I set off.

Winding through the highways and side streets, I finally arrived at the doctor’s office. I pull up next to a lady in a white pick-up as she is setting 3 large jugs of water on the ground next to the passenger side of her truck. I watch this with a little curiosity and then remember I am at a psychiatrist’s office. I gather my things and get out of the car. I walk through the door and make my way to the desk, the attendant gives me a clip-board with paperwork to fill out. I find a seat and start on my paperwork when “Water Lady” quickly hands the clip board back and tells the receptionist that she will be right back. She gets into her truck and drives away. In her exodus from the parking lot, she runs over the 3 jugs of water she had set down earlier and causes a large watery explosion. This doesn’t phase Water Lady, she is on a mission.

I am finishing up my paperwork when Water Lady returns, with Jack in the Box. She then inquires if there is a lunch room where she can eat her food. The receptionist tells her that she is more than welcome to eat in the lobby. I walk to the desk to turn in my paperwork. While I am up there having my ID and Insurance card copied, Water Lady just wads up her Jack in the Box bag and sets it on the counter next to the clip boards. The receptionist returns, hands me back my cards and begrudgingly deals with Water Lady’s garbage. I pay my $150 co-pay and take a seat. This is where my calm gets damaged.

My appointment was at 1: 30pm, now with mental healthcare the appointment being late is understandable. People have breakdowns or breakthroughs, medication is being adjusted or completely re-configured. It’s not like going to the regular doctor because you have the flu or something. Psychiatric appointments are a little more thorough and involved. So, I expect a long wait time; however this wait time was too long because now Water Lady wanted to talk about… well every goddamn thing you can think of.  She commented on the decor, she then got up and inspected every piece in the lobby and invaded my personal space.  She then decided to start asking questions, what does D.O. mean? Is that a real doctor? Why does he have that on his card? Then she decided again to invade my personal space and start reading ALL THE PAMPHLETS that were next to me instead of taking a few back to her seat. Then she changed seats and sat next to me so she could stare and smile at me. It was now 1:48 and I was getting tired of waiting with the Water Lady.

>>Warning: I kinda talk about my dick in this next part. Just FYI.<<

Finally at about 2pm the door to the offices opens and my name is called. I get to meet my new shrink for the 1st time! Better yet, I get to escape Water Lady! So, she leads to her office and we sit down. There’s a 3rd person in the room, she then informs me that she is teaching a student and asks if I mind if she sits in. Now, I am OK with this; however this girl in the corner is not going to make this visit easy because one of the things I want to discuss is how the Lexapro is effecting my sex life. Now, how I type here is pretty much how I talk to people. I don’t mince words, I try to be respectful; however if I can’t find a “gentle” way of saying what I need/want to say, then you get the raw filter-less shit. So, we go over my diagnoses, my meds, and why I am there. Then we talk about my current medication aaaannnnnddd here comes the “dick talk”. I begin tell my new shrink that there are some “unwanted side-effects” and then she asks if they are sexual side effects. This made things a lot less awkward, so I just start talking like I normally do and tell these ladies that Lexapro is killing my ability to  “cash in my chips”.  We talk about how to combat that and manage it and then once she learns that I am on Lexapro for Anxiety, she decides to put me on a different drug that doesn’t affect my dick at all (hooray!).

The big thing is that she is very professional & courteous.  She took the time to explain why I am on the meds that I am on now, which (believe it or not) no other psychiatrist has really done. She is stepping outside the normal “shrink” role and making me go get a physical to test my thyroid and b-12 absorption. She also said that she would be more than happy to help me with my disability. She honestly seems like she cares about me and wants to see me get better. Basically, I feel like I hit the jack-pot; however I have felt like this before, so we will see. I do have a good overall feeling about her as my psychiatrist and caretaker. I go back to see her in 2 weeks and I hope that these new meds work out.

It looks like the hunt is over. I just really hope Water Lady isn’t there this next time that I have an appointment.


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