Fear & Loathing in North Texas.

My new psychiatrist placed me on a new medication called clonazepam on Monday.  I take a dose at night and a dose in the morning. The big thing that I have noticed is that this drug, mixed with my other night time medications and my sleep-aide, helps me sleep a full 8 hours. This is something that I haven’t been able to do , with the exception of coming off a manic/hypo-manic episode, in years. I actually hit such a deep sleep last night that I dreamed. It was amazing.

My first morning with this new drug was a trip. I woke up, I took the pill that I need to take on an empty stomach, and then made a pot of pour over coffee, some eggs and sausage. After breakfast I took my vitamins and my morning dose of the clonazepam. Queue the 60’s psychedelic music. When it hit me, I started feeling bubble headed and euphoric. I was giggling, I was singing silly songs and I wasn’t anxious about shit. I was talking to/at the TV, and just being high as fuck. Moving felt like I was in slow motion, or underwater. Textures felt amazing and soothing, and I felt amazing. The feeling would wain a little bit and I would just be left with this feeling of calm and confidence, and then the “fun train” would come back around (choo choo!). I spent most of the day riding these ups and downs and they were all great. This was just the greatest medication E V E R.

I went to sleep that night and slept another 8 hours. I woke up and fixed some sausage and English muffins. Again, I took the pill that I need to take on an empty stomach and then made a single cup of coffee in the coffee maker. I ate my food and sipped my coffee and then took my morning meds. I was all ready to have another awesome trip like yesterday morning, but the clonazepam had another idea. I got that bubble headed feeling, along with a headache, my motions didn’t feel like they were in slow motion, but weighed down with chains, and I couldn’t keep my eyes open; however I wasn’t drowsy, it was just like my eye lids weighed a 1000lbs. I did sing and giggle a bit, and textures were very soothing, but over all it was just a bad trip.

Most of the day, I felt like crap. I missed out on taking the wife out for lunch, and just had this icky feeling all day. Like some how I had been violated some how. After I had “come down” I just had this creepy feeling and would shudder in disgust from time to time like something disgusted me. My wife comforted me, forgave me for the missed lunch, and assured me that things would be OK. I think that this, like most medications, just needs to build in my system a bit. I hope that in the morning I dont have another “bad trip” and I can function for the day. I have things to do and documentaries to watch dammit.

Maybe I need to drink a lot of coffee when I pop this pill. Maybe that’s the ticket.

Or at least an excuse to drink a lot of amazing coffee.

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