11:38am Wake Up Call

Today (Monday) I woke up because I heard my mobile phone ring. I didn’t recognize the number so I said fuck it and let it go to voice mail. About a minute later, the house phone rings and my wife wakes up and answers. She wakes me up and says “Babe, it’s your work calling”.  I look at the clock and it was 11:38am. I work nights. What the fuck do they want? So, I get up, shake out the cob webs and answer the phone. It was a new manager (which was good to know that I had a new manager) calling to tell me that NCR (the company I used to work for) is doing some cost restructuring and that at this point in time I am being laid off from the company and today is my last day.

Wait, what?

He goes on to tell me that I am not being terminated, and that this has nothing to do with any kind of performance issue. It is simply the company trimming back costs. We talk about returning equipment, and that I will be mailed & emailed the details of my severance package. He gives me the company apology and says good bye.  I turn around, hand the phone to my wife and tell her that I have been laid off from another job yet again (This makes 3).

I then go to my work laptop and log into the encryption, and start uninstalling the software that I installed. I delete any pictures or files that I downloaded. I deleted the “Work From Home” account on my desktop and the work profile set up on my tablet. I clear out all the work related reminders from my Google Calendar and delete all the work contacts out of my phone.  I wanted to be “NCR free” right away. I didn’t want to see anything on any of my mobile devices or my computers that reminded me of that place. It was fun, I learned a few things, and I liked most of the people I worked with; however I just wanted to be distant from it.

I emailed my lawyer for my disability and updated her. I then broke the news to my friends and welcomed the shower of condolences. I got dressed and went to get some cigarettes and a bag of chocolate donuts; I didn’t care that it wasn’t a healthy choice for breakfast, it’s what I fucking wanted. When I got home I enjoyed my coffee, my cigarettes, and my unhealthy bag of donuts and then I popped a cloneazapam. I caught my morning high, and then fell asleep.

It wasn’t until after my two hour nap and another cup of coffee that it started to sink in. I don’t have a job. My disability has yet to be approved, and my severance is probably going to be shitty because of the reduction in pay that I took back in August. Tomorrow I have to file for unemployment, which I need to talk to my lawyer about to make sure that doesn’t screw with my disability claim. Even with all of this, my anxiety really hasn’t gotten too bad, and my depression didn’t really get too bad either. I did experience a mixed episode today (I think I may even be still going through it) and those are always strange, to say the least.

Now, I am just sitting here; typing this out and wondering what I will do tomorrow.


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