How to Hustle the Elderly.

So… I may or may not have extorted $40 from an old man yesterday.

OK, here’s what happened.

The wife and I pulled into this local diner that we go to.  We had been out most of the day, we voted, we went to go see my mother and now we were hungry. I had jacked my back up so we were getting it to go. She went in to order and I stayed out in the car in misery. About say 10-ish minutes go by and I am starting to doze off. I get somewhat woken up by a Lincoln whatever that parked next to me. I start to doze back off and I get woken up again because the car shook. I look out the side mirror and one of the old people has just whacked their door into our car. Not the bump and pull away because you know what you did accidentally, no it was the whomp into the door and leave it there because you don’t fucking care what damage you are doing. I can’t get out because the driver has her door open and is blocking me. So, I say: “Hey, you want watch your door?”, but these are old people out for “supper” and are too busy talking to each other to pay attention to the large bearded guy yelling at them.

My wife comes outside, to wait for our food with me and I tell her what happened. I check the door and there is a scratch/ding where the old man’s door hit. It was small but it was still damage. I take pictures and we head inside to confront the cast of “Cocoon” (ask your parents, kids) about the damage to our vehicle. We find the people and let them finish ordering, then I let the wife break the ice. I then speak to the old man that hit out car with his door and he want’s to see it. We walk outside ready to face off in the parking lot between two cars.

I show him the small ding, which is by some other door damage that wasn’t caused by him, and we do the forensics. His door lines up perfectly with the ding in question. We talk about the other damage and I repeatedly tell him that I know he didn’t do that. I honestly was going to get his insurance info and get the door damage he caused repaired just to teach him a lesson to be more mindful of other people’s property. Then, I started thinking about how he was probably going to have to pay the deductible and all of that. I saw this old guy and that couldn’t hear a damn thing and thought of my grandfather. I told him not to worry about it and that he should just go enjoy his meal.

But he stayed there and kept talking about the door and the dent and how if we did get insurance involved it would probably be more of a hassle…blah, blah, blah. So, I again agreed with him. Told him that this wouldn’t be anything that some touch-up paint couldn’t fix. I advised him to just be more mindful about other people’s property and to just be sure and watch out for other cars. We then talked about his age, his back surgeries, his…whatever. I then patted him on the shoulder, told him to have a good night and to enjoy his dinner (again) and tried to pivot as to walk away.

The man wouldn’t leave.

He then asked me if $40 would cover the damage to the door. I stared at him for a few seconds because I honestly didn’t understand why he was trying to give me money. I had let him off the hook TWICE! I had even tried walking away as to signal “lets go” and this dude pulls out his wallet. I finally just broke my confusion and said “Sure, that will work” or something like that. I took the man’s cash and he went away! He finally walked back into the restaurant! I had let him off twice, but apparently the answer was to take his cash. It was so fucking odd.

We got our food and when I got back to the car, I told my wife the part of the story that she wasn’t there for.

She listened and was amused/confused by this man’s actions as well. She also wanted her cut of the $40.

(So, I only actually made $20)


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