Last night was a gaming night and I actually made it out to attend. A few of the people outside my group of friends know about my issues with anxiety and know what it takes for me to get out to be around people. Not only did I make it out, but I tried using some empathy and social skills that I normally disregard. The game was awesome and I mostly had a good time (there were a few moments that I had to take a break, and there was a guy that got on my nerves).
The only thing that happened was when I got home. I got home, took off my shirt and pants, and sat on the couch while the sheer terror of absolutely nothing fell on me. I couldn’t breathe. I was having a panic attack after a long social interaction and now that I was home.
What the actual fuck?
I now sat, panicked and confused, staring at my wife (who was also confused) and started explaining what I was feeling. I finally came to the conclusion that because I was finally in a safe space I was able to finally “freak out” from being out and around people for so long (about 8-9 hours, hey that’s how for real RPGs go). Some meditation and breathing exercises and I was OK enough to chill out with out freaking out.
But, at least I was social?