A Faulty Concept

Funny preface to this post: I sat down this morning to type this up and I had to stop because my AC was leaking water in a closet in my office geek lair and all over the floor. Called my HVAC Guy and he came over to check it out. The issue was that I apparently didn’t understand the effects of gravity on the movement of fluid in a hollow cylindrical tube. When I last changed the filter, I didn’t place the drain pipe back at a downward angle so that the condensation from the coils could drain. He just slanted the pipe back, smiled, and told me to have a good day.

Before all of that happened, I was watching a documentary called “The Mask You Live In“. It covers the concept of masculinity and how it can be damaging to young boys and the men that they become later in life. I kind of talked about this in a previous post and my experience with it.  It involves the concept of masculinity as far as how we teach our boys to suppress emotions. We tell boys “don’t you cry” or “men don’t cry” and it wasn’t until  I was in my mid 30s that I saw how this had damaged me as a person.

Now, let me start this off by saying that I know that I give Tumblr a lot of shit; however that is because Tumblr tends to take a concept like this and go to the farthest extreme with it. In this case, I actually owe some Tumblr users a thank you because without their rational and educational posts I would never have even thought that this was an issue and by “this” I mean the tradition that we raise our boys, if not our children in general. Another thanks to Tumblr (sort of) is that the thought of gender being a created concept had been planted; however no one on Tumblr actually ever really explained it in a way that I understood. A point that is made in this film is that, generally speaking, kids are biologically the same. You give them choices and they will make similar choices 90% of the time no matter what sex the child is, but that 10%, or 5% on each side of the spectrum, is where we get the concept of gender.

This concept is created by traditionalism, commercialism, and media. All of these create the social norm for gender. Tradition says that men are to be strong, fast, muscular, good at sports, sexualy active ( if not overly sexualy active) and they conquor/dominate. If you are not this; then you are not a man and you will never please your parents. Tradition says that a woman is to be pretty, fit, good at domestic duties, a nurturer,empathetic, not sexualy active (or at least don’t let anyone know that you are),but flirtacious and submissive. If you are not this; then you will not attract a good husband, and you will displease you parents. Commercialism supports this by advertising to these points from everything from kids toys to laptops. Media also helps with the creation of gender by the music, film and literature of the time. While traditions may be changing all over the globe, it’s still a change in progress.

Our traditions are moving away from the heteronormativity that mainly was focused by religion; however now we have new concepts that are still flawed. These concepts (again, I have talked about this in the past) like “Alpha” types and those are usually assigned to a gender (Alpha Male, Alpha Female) and even still when we look at the definitions ( of which there are many) you see these old traditions still deeply entrenched in them. You see words like “enterprising” , “Assertive”, “Superior”, “seeking all avenues of fulfillment, including the sexual”, dominant, physically fit, rarely get emotional and these were taken from sites that gave traits of both “Alpha” Males & Females. So, in our great step forward we have learned that masculinity is not a gender, but a trait; however it is a trait that we still are fucking up six ways to sunday. You also apparently cannot be “Alpha” and be feminine. Every trait that is generally described as feminine, is used to describe the “Beta” type. So, again, having empathy, emotions, being sensitive, nurturing, sexually submissive/inactive is all seen as weaker.  So really, we haven’t changed anything, we just allowed females to become masculine and men to become feminine and we still ridicule them for “switching teams” (no matter what that person’s orientation is) because it is still entrenched in our brains that boys do Y and girls do X.

My problem with this is that kids don’t need this shit. If little Billy is crying; then go find out why he is crying. Why is he sad? Let him talk about it. If little Jenny wants to take karate and play with robots, let her. So what if all of the other girls have dolls and are playing with a giant fake plastic oven that comes with fake pans and food? So what if Bill likes art and doesn’t want to play football?  Let Jenny have Optimus Prime and become a black belt! Let Billy talk it out and draw unicorns fighting dragons! Because if you don’t, later in life, your holidays will be awkward and your kids will be in therapy.

Trust me on that one.

Because I know if that I had heard a lot less of “if you don’t stop crying; then I will give you something to cry about!” and was allowed to express my feelings and emotions then I may not be in a few places that I am now. I know that if I had kids, I wouldn’t be pigeonholing them into these gender roles and stereotypes that come along with their sex. I would be letting them make their own choices, and guiding them as they went along. Last time I checked that’s what parents did.

Or so I have heard.


Start Talking.

I have come to a conclusion today: People do not like conversations.

Like actual conversations, ones that matter and have substance. Not the shitty, empty ones that are about how the latest [insert current popular trendy band/pop-star name here] album is a “religious experience” or how the new [insert name of latest trendy food and/or beverage] at [insert name of eating establishment or franchise here] is “SOOOOO GOOD”, but ones that actually make you think. Ones that challenge you. Ones that actually may make you a little mad; however you still want to hear what the opposing view is because you want to learn.

We had house guests over the other night and a conversation was started. The topic: politics and economics. In a nutshell: How the corporate world would handle it if the US Federal Government would raise the minimum wage to $15 per hour. The conversation never got to an argument, voices may have gotten a bit raised (because people get passionate about these things), but never to the point of yelling (One guy’s voice is just low and booming, not his fault) and the discussion was very intelligent; however it was broken up because others were too uncomfortable and they decided that we should play a game instead.

Unfortunately, this tends to happen a lot and isn’t just a one time occurrence.

Today I was watching The Green Party Town Hall that was on CNN last night and there was a comment made that we are afraid to have these type of conversations. I was also watching Chelsea  on Netflix and Zelda Williams was a guest. She also made this comment on how we, as a society, are afraid of having conversations that have differing opinions. How we are afraid of hearing other views that may challenge our own ideologies and actually learning from differing opinions. I am not saying you have to agree with the other person, and their views, but at least listen and maybe understand why they think that way. I have listened to people with theological views, differing political views, differing technological views and even though I don’t agree with them (Hell, some I think are batshit crazy or even fucking stupid), I still listen and give a differing opinion; however when the conversation turns into an argument, that’s when you break out the games, change the subject or tell the person that this topic is escalating and that you no longer want to talk about it.

In my opinion an argument is where the conversation goes from sharing ideas, to forcing ideas upon the other person (ie; here’s what I think  vs. I will make you think like me) and I think that’s what everyone fears. I think we have gotten to the point where we cannot differentiate between the two different forms of communication or we are so afraid of a conversation escalating that we try to stomp out an intelligent conversation because we think it’s an argument waiting to happen. This is something that needs to stop. We need to have these discussions. It’s how we learn and how we grow as a society and it’s how you grow as a person. Again, in my opinion, you can’t grow as a person by talking about the weather, or looking at funny cat videos with people all the damn time, just as you can’t live off of potato chips and twinkies. Eventually, you are going to need to get some real food in you.

I hope that we all overcome this fear soon, because people need to start talking.

Like in real life.

Preferably over coffee, but not Starsucks.

Real coffee. Real conversation.

Actually, at this point it doesn’t matter; just start having intelligent conversations.

Just start talking.


I’m not sleeping very well.

My wife is still in a lot of pain and can’t get around well. Money is tight and everything that I try to do to get something going to generate funds just doesn’t seem to be working. Apparently nobody wants the fucking table that I am trying to sell, and what faith I had in humanity is dwindling by the day.

So, I guess maybe my anxiety is up and depression is getting the better of me.

I just need something to give. I need something to just go my fucking way. That’s all I really need at this point is a win. I just need one win to get the wind back in my sails so that I can keep on going.

Because right now I am in the doldrums.

If not sinking.



It’s Kind Of Like…

A few people wonder why I have anxiety issues about going out places. My own mother told me that I “can’t live in fear” the other day when I tried explaining it to her. I try to make it to where people understand that when I go to places that have crowds, it feels like those scenes in movies where you see the main character walks in and for whatever reason everyone else stops and just stares at them. Except, the character is you. It feels like everyone has their eyes on you and they are just staring at you.


Then your brain just starts racing and every murmured conversation you hear is about you, every burst of laughter you hear are people laughing at you. Your breathing gets shallow, your heart feels like it’s going to beat out of your chest and you just want to get to some place away from all of these people, some place “safe” and woe be unto those who will get in your way. That’s what my anxiety feels like.

This coupled with the fact that every time I open my Twitter feed or go on Reddit I see that either the police are getting more and more violent.  Also, not too long ago, killing atheists was being encouraged on Twitter and we had the largest mass shooting in our history.

So, no, I do not go out to eat and I have issues going grocery shopping ( or shopping in general) and I honestly cannot be around groups of people that I am not familiar with because my anxiety is so fucking off the charts.

I try to control this through breathing exercises, meditation, medication and rationalization; however there are times where those tools just do not work and I just need to be at home, on my couch, where it is safe. Even when I do summon the bravery (aka: take a clonazepam chased with a red bull) to be social, I still need the next day or two to be by myself and recharge.

I don’t know how to express it to the people that just don’t get it and think that I avoid them. I sometimes wonder if there are actually people in my group of friends that actually don’t get it and I am just worried that people think this and this is just my anxiety about my anxiety and how people do not understand my anxiety, which is pretty fucked up.

And that’s just my anxiety disorder.

If I tried to explain how it and the OCD and Bipolar disorder all interact in my head, your head would probably implode.

Yeah, like a fucking star.

Crazy shit.


Problem Solved!

Before I go into this I want to start by saying that when I came up with this brilliant idea that I was:

  1. Not Drunk.
  2. Not High.
  3. On my medication and of a sound mind.

Now that I have established this, I can tell you that I have…


Yep, I have the solution to the ongoing gun violence that is plaguing our country!

Now just hear me out.

My mom was a cop and I grew up in a police station. I learned two things by hanging around cops a lot.

  1. Thieves always rob your house during the day (good ones anyway)
  2. The best gun to have for home defense is a shotgun.

The reason why any smart cop or gun dealer will tell you to buy a pump-action shotgun for home defence is this: Once you rack in a shell and make that “click-clack” noise, no one usually sticks around for the next noise that happens. Also, shotguns fire multiple fragments (shot) instead of one small bullet so they have a greater chance of hitting the target; however that 1st noise usually does the trick in making your intruder run away.

So, why do we have all of these unsafe “assault weapons” all about? The U.S. Government should launch a mandatory weapons buyback program of all weapons currently owned by civilians. In exchange you will issued you own government certified home and personal defence shotgun starter kit! That’s right! We should have the US Government buy back all the guns from civilians at a reasonable market value and in exchange they will receive (pending a background check, psychological evaluation, gun skill assessment check and a weapons education class) the following:

1 Federally registered Mossberg 590A1 Tactical Tri-Rail Shotgun

1  locking case for weapon storage.

1 cleaning kit.

1 case of 50 #00 12 guage shotgun shells.

1 1lb block of USDA government issued cheese.

Now here are some things to mention regarding this new program:

  1. You do not have to have any weapons to sell back to opt in to the program. All U.S. Citizens and Legal Residents are eligible (So, the NRA WINS! MORE GUNS!).
  2. You do not have to Opt In. Citizens that Opt Out will be registered on the “OPT OUT” list and will receive a $2000.00 tax credit in lieu of receiving the starter kit. People who Opt Out can not Opt In at a later date. If a citizen has Opted In and later decides to Opt Out, they do not receive the $2000.00 tax credit and must return ALL ITEMS that were in their Starter Kit in working, non-modified, order or pay fees and charges (See below).
  3. All other guns other than your government issued shotgun are now illegal. Manufacturing or sales of any firearm in the US or it’s territories is now illegal.
  4. Manufacturing any other ammunition other than ammunition that is compatible for your government issued shotgun is illegal unless you are authorized by the U.S. Federal Government.
  5. Any crime (felony) committed by you, or by you with your shotgun, will result in the forfeiture of your right to possess your issued firearm indefinitely. You must return ALL ITEMS that were in their Starter Kit in working, non-modified, order or pay fees and charges (See Below).
  6. Charges for damaged or modified items will be assessed at the time or repossession by a certified technician. Restocking fees and non-returned items fees are as follows:


1 Federally registered Mossberg 590A1 Tactical Tri-Rail Shotgun = $1000.00 + $400 restocking fee = $1400.00

1  locking case for weapon storage. $300 + $120 Restocking Fee = $420.00

1 cleaning kit. $50 + $2.00 Restocking Fee = $52.00

1 case of 50 #00 12 guage shotgun shells. $100 + $40 Restocking Fee = $40*

1 1lb block of USDA government issued cheese. $17.00 (restocking fee waived, no proration given for partial blocks of cheese)

(*Restocking Fee and Cost will be prorated for partial boxes of ammo returned. All costs and fees subject to change without notice.)

As stated: “Any crime (felony) committed by you, or by you with your shotgun, will result in the forfeiture of your right to possess your issued firearm indefinitely”. This is a zero-tolerance policy and will go into effect upon indictment. You will be also subject to any punishments that the courts inflict upon you if you are found guilty and any further fees or damages will be your responsibility to pay. If you are proven innocent of the crime you status to carry your issued weapon will be reinstated as soon as possible and item costs will be refunded. We will not refund restocking fees.

It is also of note that any crime committed with a non-issued firearm, or an issued firearm that is not registered to you,  is subject to an automatic life sentence without parole in Federal Prison if found guilty. You will still be responsible for the costs of forfeiting your starter kit.  Shootings involving your issued firearm in the case of self defense or protection of your home will only result in the temporary freeze of your status while an investigation is done by local authorities and once it is concluded your status will be reinstated.


  1. US Citizen or Legal Resident
  2. Age 21 or older
  3. Must undergo Federal Background Check (Including but not limited to criminal history).
  4. Must submit to a psychological evaluation session.
  5. Must show proficiency with the  Mossberg 590A1 Tactical Tri-Rail Shotgun (classes will be available to those who do not show proficiency at an out of pocket cost)
  6. Must take a mandatory 3 day weapons safety class.


So, there you have it! My solution for the gun problem in America! We go with the wise words of the police that I grew up with and of Vice President Joe Biden and “just go get a shotgun”. Everyone gets to get a gun, so the 2nd amendment is intact; however if you fuck up, you pay out the nose and lose your right to have a gun. You have to qualify for the program, so even if you sell all of your guns back to the government, you can still not qualify for the program and thus, we have eliminated a person that shouldn’t have had a gun (or guns) in the first place. So, this creates an effective background check system. If and when people do have to forfeit or they choose to opt-out, the fees that will be charged will generate revenue for public spending programs. You can’t lose with this!

Now, you may be asking “But why the cheese? ” and that’s the best part of this program. It’s the cherry on top of the sundae! Some people will look at this package and turn their nose up at it…until they see that it includes that block of cheese.


If you have never been poor, then you have missed out on this. This stuff makes the best goddamned grilled cheese sandwiches ever. It is AMAZING and is the lure in this whole plan. Even if you have never been poor and have been living the good life since birth, who doesn’t like cheese?  So, when people sign up for this program they will eat this cheese or throw it out. If they have to forfeit or opt-out they have to return everything in the starterkit, even the cheese. So, even f they have everything else and it’s in excellent shape, the Federal Government would still get at least $17 off of them even if they returned a partial block. The cheese is the guaranteed money maker in this entire plan.

I’m telling you, if they offered some legislation that involved cheese, it would sail through with no problems.

Unless you’re lactose intolerant, but we will work on that.


This Happens Everytime I Watch This Movie.

I was watching “The Giver” (again) ,which was also one of my favorite books, and … wait, if you have never seen or read “The Giver”:

The Giver is a 1993 American young-adult utopian novel by Lois Lowry. It is set in a society which at first appears to be a utopian society but is later revealed to be a dystopian one as the story progresses. The novel follows an 11-year-old boy named Jonas. The society has eliminated pain and strife by converting to “Sameness,” a plan that has also eradicated emotional depth from their lives. Jonas is selected to inherit the position of Receiver of Memory, the person who stores all the past memories of the time before Sameness, as there may be times where one must draw upon the wisdom gained from history to aid the community’s decision making. Jonas struggles with concepts of all the new emotions and things introduced to him: whether they are inherently good, evil, or in between, and whether it is even possible to have one without the other. The Community lacks any color, memory, climate and terrain, all in effort to preserve structure, order, and a true sense of equality beyond personal individuality.

Basically, there is no love, not even any touching outside the “family unit”, children are all genetically engineered and birthed by “birth mothers” then assigned to family units. Any that do not meet The Community standards are “released” (aka: euthanized; however people have no memory or concept of death or murder, so they do not realize this) to “Elsewhere” (as are old people), which means no sex, even between spouses (again, because there is no memory or concept of what sex is). There’s also no music, art, literature, or any creative expression. The Community is of pure logical functionality and has no emotional depth. Hell, they literally do not have any memory or concept of color, not just skin color, but actual, chromatic color. In the movie, The Community members literally see in monochrome. On the other side, there is no pain, jealousy, anger, betrayal, war, death (in concept), loss, racism, discrimination, inequality, poverty, or Donald Trump.

So, it makes me wonder: Would you want to live in this type of society? Imagine that you know nothing of “The Receiver of Memory” and that all of the 3rd party omniscient parts of the story. You are just one of the members of The Community wrapped up in “Sameness”. Would that be a life worth living? No depth, but no strife and struggle either. You are assigned a job that is best suited for your skill sets, and you have no worries regarding finances. You are assigned a spouse (which, unfortunately the book does have a strong sense of heteronormativity) and two children, so there are no worries about dating and starting a family; however there is no love for any of them, you just enjoy them and take pride in their accomplishments. Again, no poverty, hunger, war…etc.

Everytime, I read this book or watch this movie I ponder this question. Honestly, my answer is usually always different. When I look at the world today, with all of the hatred coming out of people, people being discriminated against or murdered in the name of religion, financial markets in current turmoil, poverty, rampant mass shootings, and our own government at a slow pace to do anything about any of it because of party ideologies. I almost think “Sameness” wouldn’t be such a bad idea; however how long would that last? If we did receive our memories back, would we start this cycle of violence and hate all over again or learn from our mistakes?

At this point in history, I think we may need to give “Sameness” a shot; however we may just need to tweak its parameters a bit.

What do you think?

Justice (Revisited).

“I think offence is the collateral damage of freedom of speech. But just because you are offended doesn’t mean you’re right.

– Ricky Gervais


I have a confession to make. I go on Tumblr and I am not a SJW. Matter of fact, I cannot stand 90% of the SJW posts that I see…well, anywhere. This doesn’t mean that I am pro-MRA, anti-feminist, anti-LGBT, transphobic, xenophobic, racist, or a bigot. This means that I hold my own views and stand up for what I believe in without giving into the current SJW movement and into the current Outrage Culture.

Why am I bringing this up?

Because I just went through my Tumblr and cleaned up my feed and eliminated some followers.

Look, if you have views that you believe in then that’s awesome. I would love to have an open and rational discussion about them (preferably over coffee); however ,when & if I do not agree with you, it will not be OK to shout “PATRIARCHY” at me or go on a tirade of how I am wrong and a horrible person that needs to check my privilege.

If you don’t have any idea of what the fuck I am talking about let’s get caught up:

2 definitions of Social Justice Warrior (SJW) that I found that pretty much sum it up.

Social justice warrior is a pejorative term for an individual promoting socially progressive views; including feminism, civil rights, multiculturalism, political correctness, and identity politics

social justice warrior
A pejorative term for an individual who repeatedly and vehemently engages in arguments on social justice on the Internet, often in a shallow or not well-thought-out way, for the purpose of raising their own personal reputation. A social justice warrior, or SJW, does not necessarily strongly believe all that they say, or even care about the groups they are fighting on behalf of.
(pejorative: expressing contempt or disapproval.)

Apparently the term was once a positive title used by progressives until its decline between 2009-2012.  The term “social justice warrior” was first used as a pejorative in the blog “Social Justice Warriors: Do Not Engage”, launched by Will Shetterly on 6 November 2009. Its further decline has been accredited to “Gamergate” (I have no idea) and to the rise of Men’s Rights Activists (MRAs). Its perjoration is also due to the SJWs themselves.

One “issue” that SJWs took up that lead to their decline was to combat “manspreading“. Apparently some men were on buses, subways and other forms of public transportation and sitting with their legs open wide and taking up too much space, like an asshole. Now, the campaign was not only because guys sitting with their legs spread can take up more room, but because it is a form of sexual harassment.

Because, in case you hadn’t noticed, it is women, not men, who are constantly being harassed and assaulted — by men — on the bus. It is women who must spend their entire commute to work in a panic because some man has decided to sit next to her with his hand purposefully touching her thigh, it is women who have to worry about being flashed or groped by a man who is sitting next to them on the bus, it is women who are sexually harassed and “chatted up” by men within a confined space from which they have no escape.

Now, I refuse to even dismiss the fact that women get sexually harassed EVERYWHERE; however if I am sitting on a bus or a subway or whatever, I am not going to cross my legs (mainly because I can’t) and no amount of leg crossing (since it doesn’t reduce the size of my hips and thighs) is going to significantly reduce the amount of space that I take up. Now, I do think that it is a dick move to just get on public transportation and take up as much space as you possibly can, no matter what your gender is. I think in general everyone needs to respect personal space and just be respectful to one another, period.

I have read posts on Tumblr were SJWs were dogpiling on a white girl that got braids and claiming cultural appropriation. SJWs call back to the days of colonialism and talk about how “privileged white people” just take from other cultures. Apparently, these SJWs don’t understand how cultural integration works. Cultures meet and share things. We share food, art, fashion, technology, knowledge and literature.  So, when I read another similar post regarding white people eating Mexican food as appropriation and colonialism, I just blew off the whole SJW movement. It’s misguided, uneducated, and has an almost segregated, totalitarian view which I find hilarious since a lot of SJWs call others facists. Basically, SJWs usually take shit WAY out of context and create their own outrage, like this:

This little “Patriarchy Smasher” took a quote from Emmeline Pankhurst during the women’s suffrage movement in the UK and equated it the US Civil War. This caused such a backlash that Time Out London had to print this statement regarding this matter:

For a recent photoshoot to document ‘Suffragette’, the first feature film to tell the story of the violent and historic struggle of women in the UK for equal rights including the right to vote, Time Out London invited the lead actresses from ‘Suffragette’ to wear t-shirts with the slogan: ‘I’d rather be a rebel than a slave’.
This is a quote from a 1913 speech given by Emmeline Pankhurst, one of the historic British suffragettes whose fight for equality is portrayed in the movie. The original quote was intended to rouse women to stand up against oppression – it is a rallying cry, and absolutely not intended to criticise those who have no choice but to submit to oppression, or to reference the Confederacy, as some people who saw the quote and photo out of context have surmised.
Pankhurst’s full quote was: ‘I know that women, once convinced that they are doing what is right, that their rebellion is just, will go on, no matter what the difficulties, no matter what the dangers, so long as there is a woman alive to hold up the flag of rebellion. I would rather be a rebel than a slave.’
Time Out published the original feature online and in print in the UK a week ago. The context of the photoshoot and the feature were absolutely clear to readers who read the piece. It has been read by at least half a million people in the UK and we have received no complaints.

They didn’t receive any complaints because they know their history. How does my Texas born ass know it too? I watched “Horrible Histories” on Hulu. Yeah, a kids show from the UK with a puppet rat on CBBC, but this SJW had an overwhelming sense of self importance on US History, that a movie or anything else couldn’t possibly be made about another country’s history. I think it’s even more hilarious that this SJW was actually leading a campaign against a movie that was telling the story about the women’s suffrage movement in the UK (The Suffragette Movement).   Funny thing is, in the barrage of tweets that the SJW sent out, a guy actually told her this:

@FergusMason1 Feb 3
@OpinionessWorld It’s about middle-class Englishwomen in 1912. How many “women of colour” do you think were involved, you fucking plank?

Of course, he probably would just be dogpiled for mansplaining things anyway.

Now, don’t get me wrong, there is a difference between an activist and a SJW. One has an educated viewpoint and can eloquently skillfully debate their views the other cannot and just starts outrage on social media. Activists are people like Malala Yousafzai, Joan Baez, or Medgar Evers. People that ACT to make change in their world. Not cause outrage in the hivemind that is Twitter, Reddit and Tumblr. Then there are people in between that have their own views and are not going to give in to the Orwellian INGSOC ways of the SJW and the current Outrage Culture that has spawned forth from them and honestly are too scared to go to a protest rally and face arrest or violence. I am one of those “In Betweeners” and I am a feminist, I believe that there is a gender wage gap, that women are not treated equally in this society, they are objectified, and (IMO) psychologically tortured by being made to think that their worth is based on their appearance and that does need to change immediately. I do believe we live in a Patriarchal society brought on by the dominance of Abrahamic religions around the world and that mindset also needs to change. I believe that LGBT people are also not fairly treated, protected and represented in this country, they are a target of violence and that definitely needs to change now; however  I will be damned if I am going to be bullied by what I believe is the liberal/progressive version of the fucking Tea Party into believing in things and following mindsets that I do not believe in or agree with.

Some of the SJW points that are made are relevant ( a lot are not), but their methods are not constructive and they just fuel the outrage culture that is in America today. Outrage Culture kills dialogue and closes minds. If we silence the voices of people that hold different views from us, then we kill our ability to learn and our ability to teach. New viewpoints, and being challenged is what makes us smarter, makes us (actually) tolerant, and helps us learn to thrive and survive. The definition that we have of tolerance now days is “get on board with my ideals or fuck off”.  President Obama even talked about this at a college speech that he gave. Between the SWJs of the Left and the Fundamentalists of the Right, it’s no wonder why we can’t get anything done around here about the major issues that plague this country today.

Why am I writing this? Because when I see some SJW post that is beyond stupid, or smug, it pisses me off. It pisses me off almost, if not more than when I see some conservative nonsense that gets posted. I mentioned earlier that I have my own views. Want to know how I got them? By listening. I listened to the SJWs, and to the Conservatives, and to everyone in between and then I thought about what was said and then I came to my own conclusions. When the topic would come up I would express my views and would either get into an argument, a debate, or a discussion and if it was a topic that I was passionate about, I would look into activism and see what I could do to influence change. No matter which of those occurred, my viewpoint either was reaffirmed or changed in some way.

Having an ideology and sticking to your guns for what you believe is never a bad thing. Jumping to a conclusion on a subject that you have no knowledge on is always a horrible idea.

Just remember that new information can become available at any time.



BFFs & Life.

I was thinking about the makeup that is my group of friends today and was kind of amazed by it.

My best friends are a guy that I have known since elementary school, a guy I hated in high school, and  a girl that I found respectfully odd in high school. Did I mention that I hate the term “best friend”? It’s because you are singling out this one person over all of your other friends for whatever reason. I guess I don’t care for that phrase is because the person that I did call my best friend has pretty much dropped off the map and I haven’t seen or heard from him in a couple of years. The other guy that I then gave that title to decided to follow Jesus and a job in restaurant management to a town 157 miles away in east Texas. So, I guess I have just gotten away from using the term.

But I am digressing.

The point is I have looked at my group of friends and I see that life shakes up things and you get settled in a place that never in a million guesses is where you thought you would be. My group of friends are not quite what I ever pictured. It was kind of close. OK, it is nowhere near what I thought except for one, maybe two things; however my best friends and ,my life actually, exceed my expectations at this point.

Sure, I am broke, getting food from a food bank and we’re hopefully about to be on food stamps soon, but I’m actually doing OK. I would actually go as far to say that, right now, I am happy.

Of course there’s room for improvement and that a long awaited phone call from Austin would definitely make things a little lot better.

But, you get the point.

All in all, I like where I am at right now and I got to say, today was a good day.


(Had to be done)

Dreaming of Austin.

I feel like I have accomplished a lot today.

I have gotten groceries (aka: gone to the food bank, sat in a room surrounded by crosses and religious paraphernalia, and wondering if they would still give me a handout if they knew I was an atheist), put up said groceries and fixed the blown fuse in the car so now the 12v sockets work again.

I am on top of things today.

I just wish that when my phone rang it was with a 512 area code and it would be the call that I have been waiting on for about a year now and not some damn robocall that I have to block and then feel compelled to go report to the FTC for violating the “Do Not Call” registry.

In the cache of food donations was one small gem. Something that I saw that made me almost cry. There was a small, sugar free, lemon pie (which is one of my  favorite kinds of pie). Honestly, with my new habit of morning meditation and this pie… my world so far has been absolutely amazing today.

I am on top of things today.

My only wish is still a call from Austin, TX to tell me that things are going to be alright.

Until then, I have this pie and a cup of coffee to get me through.

(Also, clonazepam and a few other mood stabilizers, but let’s just focus on the damn pie.)

This Shit Was All Greek to Me.

I have heard the term “Alpha Male” or just “Alpha” used as a personality description for sometime now; however, even though I knew it did have some psychological and scientific basis, I had written it off due to its assimilation into what people call “dudebro speak”


Lately though I have been curious about what my personality is within this type of ranking. I knew that the science behind this was based on pack mentality and the social behavior of humans, but I didn’t know what to call it. Then I found my answer:


noun ethol·o·gy \ē-ˈthä-lə-jē\

Definition of ethology
  1. 1:  a branch of knowledge dealing with human character and with its formation and evolution

  2. 2:  the scientific and objective study of animal behavior especially under natural conditions

I also found that this type of science was paired with another:

Comparative psychology also studies animal behaviour, but, as opposed to ethology, is construed as a sub-topic of psychology rather than as one of biology. Historically, where comparative psychology has included research on animal behaviour in the context of what is known about human psychology…

So, what does this have to do with personality types and dudebros? It made me re-think that maybe knowing my ethological personality would also give me a greater understanding of myself. I already understand my Myers-Briggs personality type and relate to it, but what it this other type would give me further information?

So, I decided to look for an online test and that’s when all of this shit went sideways.

There are literally thousands of these tests online and none of them seem the least bit legit. The personality types that are talked about in the research that I did were Alpha, Beta, Delta & Gamma. I took several of these tests that I found and it took me on an adventure that lead me to what felt like a frat-boy lead, MRA nightmare. Here’s some results:

Quiz 1  (5 questions)

Result: Alpha

Quiz 2 (13 questions)

Result: Sigma

You don’t give a damn. You are off doing your own thing, with or without anyone’s approval. You radiate cool and intrigue, and women find you intensely interesting, despite you not trying or noticing. You don’t go to parties or social gatherings, but if you do, you’re usually with a friend and a gorgeous woman you brought. You’re the lone wolf of the hierarchy, almost as attractive as Alphas. You shun leadership in favor of getting the hell away from everyone.

This was a new one. Never heard of a Sigma Personality before.  I looked this up and found the most informative information on this site , which was a personal blog that was posted in 2011. I don’t know if this guy was a psych major, had any psych training, or was just a dudebro making shit up; however this site and this blog obviously agreed on the description and the outcome.

Quiz 3 (23 questions)

Result: Zeta

When I looked up what this personality type was, every site that came up lead me to some a lot of  Men’s Rights Activists bullshit. The Zeta male is basically breaking out of the “typical male gender role” which sounds pretty awesome, until shit like this pops up:

This is a philosophy based on the principle of men rejecting the traditional Alpha and Beta role models because they are based upon how women view them. The Zeta male lives life outside of the traditional Alpha and Beta models and undergoes no judgment from females, equally not requiring any judgment from females. This interests me because I see so many guys these days seeking validation from women just to feel they are living their lives correctly. In men I believe this requirement for validation and frequent rejection is a contributory factor leading to forged lifestyles, a loss of confidence and in severe cases mental illness.

The Zeta Male is one who has contempt for female rage, and spurns female/feminist power…

Men and masculinity have been under attack for over forty years, that’s a couple of generations, from Institutional Feminism and the misandric, men-hating-women that have fallen for its histrionic posturing, misrepresentation and outright lies…

So, while breaking gender roles is great… this shit is not. MRAs are misogynistic asshats that just either (A) Don’t understand women (Not that I do completely)  (B) Have severe issues with rejection and have been rejected A LOT and/or (C) Have a lot of mommy issues. No, men don’t have to be soldiers, factory workers, fathers, husbands, or even providers, but we do have to be respectful and understanding to women. Sorry, but women do not have an equal voice in this society and that’s why we need feminism and not a bunch of dick wagons crying for “men’s rights”.

Yeah, I am definitely not a Zeta personality.

As I searched further into all of this I found something out. All of the above information is actually part of a psychological assessment called the California Psychological Inventory and this is where we get the Alpha, Beta, Delta, and Gamma (only) personalities from. None of the above personality quizzes are anywhere near this test.

The CPI is made up of 434 true-false questions…

Not 5 -23 questions regarding situations and if you like tigers vs. puppies or whatever and these other personalities, sigma, zeta and so on are something that are not on this assessment. Those are straight dudebro things created by dudebros, for dudebros.

Unfortunately, there is nowhere that I found online to take this test for free (and it’s EXPENSIVE), and honestly I really am not concerned about this as much as I was now. This test more or less just tells you where you stand within society and honestly I could care fucking less about where I am in society’s pecking order.  I did find the  actual definitions of the Alpha, Beta, Delta and Gamma personalities, though:

Alpha personality types are more enterprising, dependable and outgoing. Betas are reserved, responsible and moderate. Gammas are adventurous, restless, and pleasure-seeking. Finally, Deltas are withdrawn, private, and to some extent disaffected.


Basically, how I interpret this is this: Alphas are the Ambitious, Leader, Always on time, Extroverted type, Betas are the Father Figure, Better Safe than Sorry type, Gammas are the Always wanting to have fun, close down the bar, bungee jumping, let’s go skinny dipping type, Deltas are the Introverted, stay home and watch Netflix, don’t go out much, almost misanthropic type.

I also found literally hundreds of other varied definitions online from sites that range from IGN.com to Urban Dictionary. Apparently, the Internet has memmed these personalities, and added several more to the list. The way the traits are assessed are also varied (most are about how sexual you are and the “quality” of girl you are able to get) and askewed. Again, like my previous post that talked about memetics stated, this is what can happen when a meme spreads unopposed.

Despite what bodybuilder.com says, I don’t think that I am weak-willed and destined to just exist and work in the service industry because I identify with the Delta personality. Nor do I think I am a has-been, “Alpha Poser” that is weak willed and has been ruined by a break-up with a really hot chick. I feel close to the Delta personality because I am an introvert that doesn’t give a fuck about social trends.

I did find this post on a forum and it’s description of the Delta Personality:

4. Delta Quadra [top]

extraverted logic blocked with introverted sensing:
Types from the Delta Quadra value pragmatism, hard work, beautifully functional items, and earthy humor and enjoy “productive” relationships where people do projects together. They are usually emotionally subdued and like to discuss topics seriously with the intention of implementing their conclusions.

extraverted intuition blocked with introverted ethics:
Types of this quadra enjoy discussing people, internal motivation, and self-development. They believe in peaceful self-government without coercion and in the inherent potential of each human being for personal fulfillment.

Subdued elements:
The Delta Quadra doesn’t appreciate high ideals or abstractions that don’t relate well to real life. They also don’t like large institutions or power systems that do not take into consideration the interests of separate individuals.

Typical Delta quadra group behavior:
Discussion of interesting facts about people and places. Enjoy group outdoor activities. “Live and let live” attitude. Engage only in “productive” activities and discussions. Prefer smaller groups. Emotionally subdued; generally serious, but with periodic funny moments.

Now that’s more like what I see the CPI describing a Delta as and not Urban Dictionary. I can also identify more with this definition. Also, like the MB test, these aren’t what define you. They give you insight and help you see how you work. I honestly wanted to see this so that I can continue learning about how to handle emotions better. I figure that the more I know about me, the more I know how I can develop a process to deal with emotions (Mine and others) and productively channel them.

Now I feel that I have a better understanding of myself and after seeing the correct definition of a Delta Personality, I can honestly say that…

I am Delta as fuck, bro!